Question How do I cope with the loneliness?
- Thread starter SCAdmin
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- faq newly woke
This has been a constant in my life. I can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely.
Then, I am also at times, truly alone. There is nobody. I mean nobody. I feel the need to belong.
I need to feel valued, loved , worthy and useful.
When I was a child, I was living for a time, with a single Mom, poor and different. I just wanted to be like everyone else. I didn't feel I was a loser, but the signs were saying I was. Always different.
Some pointers:
Reach out because loneliness is painful and can confuse you into thinking that you are a loser, an outcast. You might react by withdrawing into yourself, your thoughts, and your lonely feelings and this is not helpful. At its best, anticipation of loneliness might motivate us to reach out and cultivate friendships, which is the healthiest thing to do if you are sad and alone. When you are a child, and your sadness causes you to cry, you may evoke a comforting response from others. If you’re an adult, not so much.
You can make a plan to deal with loneliness. Since healthy interaction with friends is good, make some effort to reach out to others, to initiate conversation and face time even when your loneliness is telling you not to. Yes, it is work, but it is worthwhile, just like exercising is worthwhile even when you are feeling tired
Focus on the needs and feelings of others, the less attention on your lonely thoughts and feelings. I can walk down the street thinking about myself, my loneliness and the hopelessness of it all, staring at the sidewalk and sighing to myself. Or I can walk down the street grateful for the diversity of people I get to share the sidewalk with, silently wishing them good health and smiling at each person I meet. The latter is more fun.
Find others like you. Now days there are more tools than ever before to find out where the knitters, hikers and servants of Jesus are congregating so that you can get together with those who share your interests. This makes it much easier to identify those with which you will have something in common, a natural basis for beginning a friendship. Don't expect them to be exactly like you , or to be perfect.
Each time you show to some sort of a meeting with others, it is a a micro adventure in social bonding. If you are curious about and interested in others, they will be attracted to you because you are giving them attention. So you will get attention in return. Curiosity about others also takes your focus away from those painful feelings. Give them freedom to be who they are and don't judge, look at their good qualities and focus on them.
You have the power to offer loving kindness and generosity of spirit to all you come into contact with. It isn’t instinctual to be kind to strangers. But it is a choice. It is a choice that Jesus used intentionally. And in the long run it is a winning choice. The alternative, being mean or stingy with those you don’t know well, can limit your growth and world.
Then, I am also at times, truly alone. There is nobody. I mean nobody. I feel the need to belong.
I need to feel valued, loved , worthy and useful.
When I was a child, I was living for a time, with a single Mom, poor and different. I just wanted to be like everyone else. I didn't feel I was a loser, but the signs were saying I was. Always different.
Some pointers:
Reach out because loneliness is painful and can confuse you into thinking that you are a loser, an outcast. You might react by withdrawing into yourself, your thoughts, and your lonely feelings and this is not helpful. At its best, anticipation of loneliness might motivate us to reach out and cultivate friendships, which is the healthiest thing to do if you are sad and alone. When you are a child, and your sadness causes you to cry, you may evoke a comforting response from others. If you’re an adult, not so much.
You can make a plan to deal with loneliness. Since healthy interaction with friends is good, make some effort to reach out to others, to initiate conversation and face time even when your loneliness is telling you not to. Yes, it is work, but it is worthwhile, just like exercising is worthwhile even when you are feeling tired
Focus on the needs and feelings of others, the less attention on your lonely thoughts and feelings. I can walk down the street thinking about myself, my loneliness and the hopelessness of it all, staring at the sidewalk and sighing to myself. Or I can walk down the street grateful for the diversity of people I get to share the sidewalk with, silently wishing them good health and smiling at each person I meet. The latter is more fun.
Find others like you. Now days there are more tools than ever before to find out where the knitters, hikers and servants of Jesus are congregating so that you can get together with those who share your interests. This makes it much easier to identify those with which you will have something in common, a natural basis for beginning a friendship. Don't expect them to be exactly like you , or to be perfect.
Each time you show to some sort of a meeting with others, it is a a micro adventure in social bonding. If you are curious about and interested in others, they will be attracted to you because you are giving them attention. So you will get attention in return. Curiosity about others also takes your focus away from those painful feelings. Give them freedom to be who they are and don't judge, look at their good qualities and focus on them.
You have the power to offer loving kindness and generosity of spirit to all you come into contact with. It isn’t instinctual to be kind to strangers. But it is a choice. It is a choice that Jesus used intentionally. And in the long run it is a winning choice. The alternative, being mean or stingy with those you don’t know well, can limit your growth and world.
This is so true Neil. These exJW groups are helpful. Pick out one or two and start having one on one conversations with them -do zoom room meetings and get to know each other. Keep building that friend newwork. You'll take a personal interest in them and they in you. The great thing about this network here is we are all over the world so there is someone normally online when you need to talk <g>.
You need to also work on building a local friend network too. Join a bowling league or something similar if you have to. Volunteer at a charity and when you find someone you resonate with ask if they want to get a coffee etc.