General Depressed

[Tsarina Andadora]

You know, I get it that God can't make our life perfect in this age because it's satan's age.

But I'm beginning to feel like all the suffering in my own life, both what has been in my control, but I was naive or inexperienced, and what was out of my control is just too great. That there is no reward that could ever make up for it.

Everyone has all these opinions and when I read the Bible I know what I see promised. Restored earth and eternity. But so many see other things and I just don't see how going to heaven solves anything. Even when I was jw I felt true pity for the "anointed".

Meditating on paradise, or the restored earth as I'd call it now, kept me going as a jw. And now, now all I see is society getting worse and I feel like we call out to our Father and He doesn't hear. Two thousand years has certainly been enough time.

I'm in my thirties and I have nothing to show for the waste of my life. What getting dfed didn't take from me, lockdowns and mandates have. I'm just starting to have more bad days and it makes me question everything.

I have really good days and I don't doubt the existence of God or doubt the story/power of Jesus, but this waiting is so long and now I'm worried I'm ruined. I'll be the only depressed person in all of eternity because of how bad this life was.

 

[Lori Jane]

I am sorry your feeling depressed - I get it - so many are deeply affected by this "pandemic" and all the control and restraint. If you don't have resources to make your lock down time pleasant or you are locked down with people that have - let's say "issues" then all the more depressing.

The only thing that comes to mind is to view it as a test or trial. Now is the time to dig deep and show what you're made of. You will be stronger for it than say someone who has it easy right now.

We will make it! We will see the light of the new world. Keep your eye on that future and make the most of your present. How about making a list of things that makes you feel better. Here's my list.

1. A funny movie
2. A long bubble bath
3. A swim
4. A long talk with a friend
5. A favorite comfort food meal
6. A walk in the woods (or on the beach or by a river)
7. Reading a good book in a park or somewhere no one can interrupt me <g>
8. Learning something new I've always wanted to do (learn another language, play a song on the piano)
9. And if I can afford it a get away trip for a change of scenery

Pick something on YOUR list and do it. Give yourself permission to enjoy yourself.

I'm not a therapist but hopefully something here will help and that others will share their ideas or at the very least pray for you my friend!

Cyber hugs to you! Call me if you want to do #4 <g>.

 

[Tsarina Andadora]

I am sorry your feeling depressed - I get it - so many are deeply affected by this "pandemic" and all the control and restraint. If you don't have resources to make your lock down time pleasant or you are locked down with people that have - let's say "issues" then all the more depressing.

The only thing that comes to mind is to view it as a test or trial. Now is the time to dig deep and show what you're made of. You will be stronger for it than say someone who has it easy right now.

We will make it! We will see the light of the new world. Keep your eye on that future and make the most of your present. How about making a list of things that makes you feel better. Here's my list.

1. A funny movie
2. A long bubble bath
3. A swim
4. A long talk with a friend
5. A favorite comfort food meal
6. A walk in the woods (or on the beach or by a river)
7. Reading a good book in a park or somewhere no one can interrupt me <g>
8. Learning something new I've always wanted to do (learn another language, play a song on the piano)
9. And if I can afford it a get away trip for a change of scenery

Pick something on YOUR list and do it. Give yourself permission to enjoy yourself.

I'm not a therapist but hopefully something here will help and that others will share their ideas or at the very least pray for you my friend!

Cyber hugs to you! Call me if you want to do #4 <g>.

Thank you my friend! I'll be making a list today.

I did recently start embroidery which has been nice and refreshing. I also try very hard to unplug from the news and alternative media.

Love you!

 

[Tsarina Andadora]

Thanks for posting Tsarina. I have been feeling much the same way.
Negativity, fear, stress and worry are prevalent at this time and can drag us down if we're not careful. I understand your thoughts and feelings on prayer, though we need to keep in mind that prayers get answered in God's time not ours. I always find that picking a subject to study keeps my mind focused on spiritual things, on God and Jesus which is what we all need right now. Study isn't always easy, but is always worth the effort, we will always learn something new. The other thing to keep in mind is that we are awake from JW indoctrination which,definitely has it's difficulties, but is a great thing, incredibly freeing and gives us the opportunity to really get to know our God and our Lord Jesus. Take the time to really get to know them. I believe we are being prepared for something, for what exactly I don't know, but to endure to the end we will need our minds and hearts fully with God. The Godly qualities of patience and long-suffering are key, though not easy.
Keep praying, keep asking and the door will be opened. I don't mean to sound negative, but things will get worse before they get better, but when the better comes, it will be more than we could ever imagine.
God and Christ love you and are that keenly interested in you, that every hair on your head is numbered. I read 2 Peter 3: 9 last night:
"The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise as some understand slowness, but is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish but everyone to come to repentance".
God is the perfect example of patience. He wants everyone to turn to him and has waited throughout our entire history, though his patience doesn't last forever, and his day will soon come, and when it does, the blessings will be overflowing.

I think a big part of it is the emotional fatigue, maybe even some spiritual fatigue of being exjw? I mean we lived our lives scrutinizing every little thing as a "sign of the end". I know when I woke up in 2018 I saw a life ahead of me. I had all these goals and it's just blown my mind what 2020 has done.

I think there's a lot of mental apprehension on my part to say, "oh this is it" because I could be wrong again. I know a lot of alternative media sites are constantly using the same fear porn as the jws. Trying to make people afraid of Jesus. I don't think we need to fear him. Even I have things and situations in my life I wish to make better. I have plans to get re-baptized and I don't think I'm dead if he comes again before I do that.

I have found much comfort in the Gospels. I have also learned so much by studying the early church. Things that shocked me as a cult/evangelical/prot survivor.

It's hard to find the balance of the fig tree illustration and Jesus saying we wouldn't know when and when everyone was expecting him it wasn't yet time. Selfishly I want my own relief, that's true, but I also think of those I love who are suffering and I know with ALL my heart that Jesus' Kingdom will fix and restore it all. I want us all to have the life we should have had. I want to meet the man I so frequently talk to, who willingly saved us. I want to have full communion restored with The Father of us all, so that we have the full restoration of what Adam lost.

There has to be better to come.

 

[deebibliophile]

You know, I get it that God can't make our life perfect in this age because it's satan's age.

But I'm beginning to feel like all the suffering in my own life, both what has been in my control, but I was naive or inexperienced, and what was out of my control is just too great. That there is no reward that could ever make up for it.

Everyone has all these opinions and when I read the Bible I know what I see promised. Restored earth and eternity. But so many see other things and I just don't see how going to heaven solves anything. Even when I was jw I felt true pity for the "anointed".

Meditating on paradise, or the restored earth as I'd call it now, kept me going as a jw. And now, now all I see is society getting worse and I feel like we call out to our Father and He doesn't hear. Two thousand years has certainly been enough time.

I'm in my thirties and I have nothing to show for the waste of my life. What getting dfed didn't take from me, lockdowns and mandates have. I'm just starting to have more bad days and it makes me question everything.

I have really good days and I don't doubt the existence of God or doubt the story/power of Jesus, but this waiting is so long and now I'm worried I'm ruined. I'll be the only depressed person in all of eternity because of how bad this life was.

Hi Tsarina,

Going through the process of waking up and what comes after can be so hard. Your whole world has been ripped out from under you. I think most of us doubt, even a little, from time to time. I don’t have the answers. I believe but I don’t know anything for sure. I will say that some of the things I have gone through in life, tragedies and adversities, have made me stronger. And we are all here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone. Please don’t give up. Things are bad, but there is also good out there. Will it help if you find examples of good people and good things people have done? Look at the people that have joined this group, for example. Some of the things said here have been so helpful to so many people.

Lori Jane is right, self care is very important. Please take care of yourself.

I don’t know if this helps you, but I hope things get better.

Dee

 

[Tsarina Andadora]

Hi Tsarina,

Going through the process of waking up and what comes after can be so hard. Your whole world has been ripped out from under you. I think most of us doubt, even a little, from time to time. I don’t have the answers. I believe but I don’t know anything for sure. I will say that some of the things I have gone through in life, tragedies and adversities, have made me stronger. And we are all here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone. Please don’t give up. Things are bad, but there is also good out there. Will it help if you find examples of good people and good things people have done? Look at the people that have joined this group, for example. Some of the things said here have been so helpful to so many people.

Lori Jane is right, self care is very important. Please take care of yourself.

I don’t know if this helps you, but I hope things get better.

Dee

Thank you for your kind words. I just feel like there's so much I missed out on and I have no real way to know if my pain even matters. Only God can fix stuff and it just hurts sometimes. I struggle with understanding the point of it all.

 

[Tsarina Andadora]

Hi Tsarina,

Going through the process of waking up and what comes after can be so hard. Your whole world has been ripped out from under you. I think most of us doubt, even a little, from time to time. I don’t have the answers. I believe but I don’t know anything for sure. I will say that some of the things I have gone through in life, tragedies and adversities, have made me stronger. And we are all here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone. Please don’t give up. Things are bad, but there is also good out there. Will it help if you find examples of good people and good things people have done? Look at the people that have joined this group, for example. Some of the things said here have been so helpful to so many people.

Lori Jane is right, self care is very important. Please take care of yourself.

I don’t know if this helps you, but I hope things get better.

Dee

When you're jw you're almost conditioned to be a masochist. Every trial is seen as satan after "God's one true people" and elders tell you the same scriptures. There was so much I put in my "paradise folder" (as one CO I had put it) and now I feel like I have nothing. And even if by some miracle I buy a house or have a family or succeed at anything I have what twenty or thirty years to enjoy it? And that's if the government doesn't take it from me first or a natural disaster.

I don't know my non-jw cousins and they live full meaningful lives because they were spared this cult and while I think their interpretation of scripture is wrong, it doesn't impact them like it does me.

I have always craved truth and research, it's what led me out. But now, now it all seems like nothing. I mean, don't get me wrong I have had good things. I even have fond memories of being jw, but I just worry it's too much damage. I mean there are times I tell God I'm at the end of my rope and He makes a way out. I even have a recent experience of this. But also, like, it's hard. And the society we live in is so divisive. It hurts my heart.

 

[Bvenski]

When you're jw you're almost conditioned to be a masochist. Every trial is seen as satan after "God's one true people" and elders tell you the same scriptures. There was so much I put in my "paradise folder" (as one CO I had put it) and now I feel like I have nothing. And even if by some miracle I buy a house or have a family or succeed at anything I have what twenty or thirty years to enjoy it? And that's if the government doesn't take it from me first or a natural disaster.

I don't know my non-jw cousins and they live full meaningful lives because they were spared this cult and while I think their interpretation of scripture is wrong, it doesn't impact them like it does me.

I have always craved truth and research, it's what led me out. But now, now it all seems like nothing. I mean, don't get me wrong I have had good things. I even have fond memories of being jw, but I just worry it's too much damage. I mean there are times I tell God I'm at the end of my rope and He makes a way out. I even have a recent experience of this. But also, like, it's hard. And the society we live in is so divisive. It hurts my heart.

I don't know if this will cheer you up, but maybe it will make you laugh a little. I have a hole in my foot.

Yes, a hole.

I had to have foot surgery to remove a cyst in my right heel. Terrible spot. The Podiatrist took soo much out that out he couldn't stitch it, or do a skin flap, so I've had to let this wound heal open and wrapped, can't get it wet.

I have to put this stupid rubber/plastic sock on my leg, above the knee, when I take a shower. The first sock was leaking after awhile so that angered me. I took it back to Walgreens and told the clerk, "I have my receipt and need to return this because it's leaking water inside. Not sure what you are going to do with this used, rubber leg sock." She looked at me like I had a few screws loose. Ha

It's almost been 3 weeks of me hobbling around. I can walk better with the surgery shoe on now, but if I walk too much on it or stand too much, my hole tends to spring a leak.

6 weeks minimum until this hole heals from the inside out.

I don't want this hole in my foot.

Paul didn't want a thorn in his flesh, per 2 Cor 12:7-9. The lord Jesus told him that power is perfected in weakness.

Paul then made this powerful statement for us:

Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12:10

I wouldn't worry that your past JW days are too much damage.

Be content. When you are weak, then you are strong.

 

[Tsarina Andadora]

I don't know if this will cheer you up, but maybe it will make you laugh a little. I have a hole in my foot.

Yes, a hole.

I had to have foot surgery to remove a cyst in my right heel. Terrible spot. The Podiatrist took soo much out that out he couldn't stitch it, or do a skin flap, so I've had to let this wound heal open and wrapped, can't get it wet.

I have to put this stupid rubber/plastic sock on my leg, above the knee, when I take a shower. The first sock was leaking after awhile so that angered me. I took it back to Walgreens and told the clerk, "I have my receipt and need to return this because it's leaking water inside. Not sure what you are going to do with this used, rubber leg sock." She looked at me like I had a few screws loose. Ha

It's almost been 3 weeks of me hobbling around. I can walk better with the surgery shoe on now, but if I walk too much on it or stand too much, my hole tends to spring a leak.

6 weeks minimum until this hole heals from the inside out.

I don't want this hole in my foot.

Paul didn't want a thorn in his flesh, per 2 Cor 12:7-9. The lord Jesus told him that power is perfected in weakness.

Paul then made this powerful statement for us:

Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12:10

I wouldn't worry that your past JW days are too much damage.

Be content. When you are weak, then you are strong.

Thank you. Yes it made me chuckle!

Thank you as well for the reminder to be content. Sometimes I think the terrible "if only I'd made this choice" kind of thoughts, which don't do any good. But it has helped me see what would make me happy.

Lately (well for a few years now if I'm honest) I've been drawn to do things to help the earth. I want to have bees. I recently learned that you can also raise Monarch butterflies to help them. When I think about my love for this gift our Father gave us, I've overwhelmed to wa t to care for it.

Lately I've been dealing with something particularly distressing and it's been nice to see Papa answer my requests, though not in the way I expected.

I've also kinda realized that even if I had built my "perfect life" there still would have been trial and heartache. Some of that is our fallen state and some of that is the corrupt society we live in and some of that is satan's hatred of the saints.

I'm finally making some real-life in-person friends after moving to where I live around two and a half years ago.

I also really try to accept the joy of being free of the borg. When I look at how they handled the scamdemic, I'd have woken up anyway. How grateful I am to our Father that He called me out with enough time to make a support system, both with my family and online. Waking up during lockdown would have been too much.

 

[deebibliophile]

Beekeeping sounds like a very worthwhile pursuit. Definitely let us know if you are able to do it. Or if you create a butterfly farm. Have you been to a butterfly farm? It is a unique experience.

 

[deebibliophile]

When you're jw you're almost conditioned to be a masochist. Every trial is seen as satan after "God's one true people" and elders tell you the same scriptures. There was so much I put in my "paradise folder" (as one CO I had put it) and now I feel like I have nothing. And even if by some miracle I buy a house or have a family or succeed at anything I have what twenty or thirty years to enjoy it? And that's if the government doesn't take it from me first or a natural disaster.

I don't know my non-jw cousins and they live full meaningful lives because they were spared this cult and while I think their interpretation of scripture is wrong, it doesn't impact them like it does me.

I have always craved truth and research, it's what led me out. But now, now it all seems like nothing. I mean, don't get me wrong I have had good things. I even have fond memories of being jw, but I just worry it's too much damage. I mean there are times I tell God I'm at the end of my rope and He makes a way out. I even have a recent experience of this. But also, like, it's hard. And the society we live in is so divisive. It hurts my heart.

Hi Tsarina,

i know, the indoctrination about getting everything in paradise can be very triggering. There are some things that I realize I am never going to have at this point in my life, some things I gave up. Giving up having children is a bit of a sore spot for me. By the time I figured out I would be a good mom without putting the unrealistic expectations of the org on myself, I realized it was too late. I still could have a child but circumstances and age make it too big of a risk. I am still trying to figure out what To do with my life. It’s rough but like you said, our Father gives us a Way out when we are truly at the end of our rope. If what happens in the world hurts your heart that means you are a genuine and caring person. Maybe finding a new purpose in your life will help You, something wonderful. I hope you do.

Keep going and hang in there.

Dee

 

[Tsarina Andadora]

Beekeeping sounds like a very worthwhile pursuit. Definitely let us know if you are able to do it. Or if you create a butterfly farm. Have you been to a butterfly farm? It is a unique experience.

I have not. I went to a butterfly sanctuary once and it was awesome!

 

[Tsarina Andadora]

Hi Tsarina,

i know, the indoctrination about getting everything in paradise can be very triggering. There are some things that I realize I am never going to have at this point in my life, some things I gave up. Giving up having children is a bit of a sore spot for me. By the time I figured out I would be a good mom without putting the unrealistic expectations of the org on myself, I realized it was too late. I still could have a child but circumstances and age make it too big of a risk. I am still trying to figure out what To do with my life. It’s rough but like you said, our Father gives us a Way out when we are truly at the end of our rope. If what happens in the world hurts your heart that means you are a genuine and caring person. Maybe finding a new purpose in your life will help You, something wonderful. I hope you do.

Keep going and hang in there.

Dee

Yes. I feel the same pain about being a mom. Thank you for acknowledging that. I do believe based on things Jesus said and Isaiah prophesied that those things will be restored to us, doesn't take the pain away now.

I am trying to figure something out that will give my life meaning now. Something worthwhile that while it doesn't solve things (because only Jesus can) it will make me feel like I'm helping. I have a few ideas.

Much love to you! Thank you

 

[deebibliophile]

Yes. I feel the same pain about being a mom. Thank you for acknowledging that. I do believe based on things Jesus said and Isaiah prophesied that those things will be restored to us, doesn't take the pain away now.

I am trying to figure something out that will give my life meaning now. Something worthwhile that while it doesn't solve things (because only Jesus can) it will make me feel like I'm helping. I have a few ideas.

Much love to you! Thank you

That’s a great goal Tsarina! I am sure you will find the right purpose in time. You’re welcome. Much love back!